My Becoming Journey: Week Seven

It is my seventh week of posting my entries and it still feels really scary opening myself up to both friends and strangers, but it is getting a little easier. I find myself putting more explanation into the entries because I know that people who do not know who people are or what certain places mean to me will be reading it. I am still really glad that I have decided to do this so openly though, and I hope that I am helping other people share their stories. This week, the entries dealt a lot with happiness: things that make you happy, people who are happy, how fear hurts happiness. The entries have been nice reminders to focus on the good things in life and not let fear or set backs stop you from enjoying what brings joy to your day.

February 9, 2020

What is your most prized possession and how did you come to own it?

I have two rings and a necklace that belonged to my grandma, and they are by far the most important and prized possessions I own. My grandma was very insistent with all of us to take things of her when we wanted them. I never felt right doing that, even if it was something she swore she had not used in decades. One exception to this was the necklace she gave me. It is a long gold strand with imitation pearls every couple inches. It is very simple and understated. I needed something fitting that description for an outfit I was wearing and she lent it to me. When I went to return it, she refused to accept it. I ended up leaving it on the kitchen counter, but a few days later, I found it on my dresser. Aside from the necklace I wear every day, it is probably my most worn necklace. When it comes to the rings, she had promised me a gold band with five small sapphires on it when I was a child (probably the only time she did say to take something right away). She said she would give it to me when I was older, but by that time, she had misplaced it. When she passed away, a few of us looked for it, but we couldn't locate it. She had another ring though that was missing a stone, so I claimed this one. I had a light blue topaz (her birthstone) put in it. While my brother was going through more of her belongings, he came across a crumbled up tissue at the very back of a drawer. He almost tossed it, but knowing my grandma, he opened it up and there was the ring. He called me and described it to me, and it was the ring. I was so excited to have the ring I had been promised over decades ago, and to have another piece of my grandma with me that I could keep with me.

February 10, 2020

What can you do - as an individual, parent, or community member - to help break a cycle of fear and failure?

I know how crippling the fear of failure is. It's something I always struggle with in both personal and professional areas of my life. It usually leads me to procrastinating and then stressing even more, and then the feeling that I need to overcompensate for procrastinating. I also know first hand how important it is to say and hear that "it will be okay." Failure can be good sometimes, I have learned, and I try to pass this knowledge on to others. I have learned that not only saying that it will be okay, but why it will be okay is the best approach to ebbing the fear of failure. "It will be okay if you graduate in five years instead of four because no matter what, it is a huge accomplishment not every makes." "It will be okay if you take some time for yourself to sit and read a book because you cannot take care of others if you have run yourself ragged." "It will be okay if you're a little late to a family thing because your family would rather have you there than get a call that something happened because you were speeding to get there." I acknowledge that I need to be better at telling this to myself though, and believing it when I tell myself. Failure is not the end of the world. Thomas Edison failed many, many times before inventing the light bulb, and now it is something in use everywhere. Failure is only bad when you give up and give in. As long as you keep trying, that is what matters.

February 11, 2020

Pick a favorite photo and write a story describing what you see.

My Aunt Kathy and I circa 1994.
(Source: My Photo Collection)

My favorite photo is one of my Aunt Kathy and I. I can't be more than three or four. She is painting my nails. I am calmly staring at her hands as they work. Kathy is mid-word when the photo was shot, so her mouth is slightly open, but you can see the hint of a smile in the corner of her lips. The photo always reminds me of innocence and happiness. There is something about the photo that is so pure, and you can tell it is so full of love between Kathy and I. I lost my hard copy of the photo years ago, but I still have the cropped digital copy so I can still look back and enjoy the memory.

February 12, 2020

Who is the happiest person you know? What do you think brings them joy?

From left to right:
My dad holding my niece, Samantha, with my Uncle Dale and I, celebrating their 60th and 1st birthdays, respectively;
My dad's school picture circa 1957; My dad getting ready to become a dad for the third time in March 1991;
My parents at my oldest brother wedding in April 2019; A photo of my dad taken by my Aunt Kathy in 2012;
My parents with my two youngest nieces, Samantha in my dad's lap and Maggie in my mom's lap, at Christmas 2019.
(Sources: Amy Peterson's Photo Collection; My Dad's Photo Collection;
Kathy Cooley's Photo Collection, My Photo Collection)

My dad is easily that happiest person I know. We have had many conversations while on business trips about this very subject, so I know exactly what brings him joy. My dad is a family man, and loves spending time with the family. He loves when we can have a laid back gathering and he can sit back and talk to you, really pick your brain about what's going on in your life, or about something he knows interests you. He has told me one of his most favorite things is when one of his loved ones gives him a hug and doesn't let go right away, like they are trying to put all of their love into that one hug. Being a person who knows the power of a hug, I know the feeling he is talking about and it is one of my favorite things too. My dad enjoys work and he loves his job. When he takes vacation, or when it is one of the slower parts of the year, as much as he enjoys the break, he loves when he can get back to work. He is the epitome of "if you love your job, you'll never work a day in your life." My dad has said if he is ever feeling down, he puts on some music, and by the end of the album, he has gotten out of his "funk," as he puts it. Being a person who has dealt with depression and anxiety since my teens, this baffles me, but it is also nice knowing that not everyone feels what I feel, and gives me hope of a time when maybe I will be able to just put on some music and feel better.

February 13, 2020

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and what would you do?

I really can't pick just one place; I have huge travel goals, despite my fear of flying. I want to go to all 50 states (15 down), all seven continents, and multiple different countries. I want to go to Canada, France, Ireland, Wales, Germany and Norway, and see where my ancestors came from. I want to go to England, Egypt, China, and Japan, and bask in the history of civilizations that created society. I want to experience a safari in Africa and explore the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. I want to see the beauty of the Amazon. I want to go to all Seven Wonders and feel small as I stare at structures that have lasted long before me, and will last long after me. I want to go to crystal clear beaches and spend days on the sand reading trashy novels. I want to go up into the mountains and sit by a warm fire and read thrillers. I want to see anything and everything possible. If I could travel to the moon, I would.

A few pictures of different travels.
Left Column: My band trip in 2006 to Disneyworld with my friend Shaun;
High Voltage Tattoo when I went to LA in 2011; My niece, Maggie, and I at Disneyland in 2014.
Right Column: A random road trip to the Abilene Zoo with friends in college in 2011;
Taylor and I in Golden, CO in July 2019.

**If you would like to have your own Becoming journey, you can purchase a copy of the journal at your local bookstore or at Amazon.**