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My Becoming Journey: Week Ten

While this weeks entries do not really have any theme, there aren't any heavy hitters like there were last week. One thing I really enjoyed was one entry calls for you to make a playlist, and then Michelle shares a playlist of her own, and I love when people share their favorite music. Not only do you learn so much about them and the songs they choose, but you might find your new favorite song. I included Youtube links to all songs on both playlists so you can go listen.

Also, I will be taking a week off. There will not be any posts after today until my next book review on March 16th. I need some time to recharge away from everything, but then I'll be back with my usual three weekly posts!

March 1, 2020

List three people who contribute to your circle of strength. Next to each person's name, describe why he or she is so dependable.

1. Taylor: Ever since I met Taylor, he has been so supportive of everything I have wanted to do and anything I have said. I have told him my deepest, darkest secrets, ugly cried, said the most stupid things, and been completely crazy, and he just rolls with it.
2. Callie: She is not just my niece, but my best friend. Being so close in age, we were raised more like sisters and because of that, we have fought with and against each other, but always had the others back. When I am having a moment, she embraces it until I get it all out and feel better.
3. Alex: She is my voice of reason. Whenever I am too hard on myself, she reminds me of the good in me. When I am unrealistic, she brings me back to the present. She doesn't sugar coat anything and is always the first to call me on my shit.

Taylor and I Christmas 2019.
Callie and I Christmas 2018.
Alex and I at her wedding in October 2018.
(Photo Source: My Photo Collection)

March 2, 2020

Create a playlist of ten songs that you could listen to on repeat.


A Becoming Playlist


March 3, 2020

Describe a recent conversation you had with someone who did not share your history or perspective. How did you navigate the conversation?

It is not a recent conversation, but it is one that I feel like I have frequently. I have had anxiety for quite some time. I feel that I have probably been suffering from it since at least high school, if not before, but was not diagnosed until my early twenties because I never really talked about it. Even with mental health awareness becoming more prevalent, I am constantly having to explain to people that I am trying very hard, but that my anxiety still takes over. It does not matter that the logical part of my brain is telling me that it is my anxiety causing the feelings I am having, the anxious part of my brain still weasels in and dismantles anything the logic has created. I have to explain to people that telling me "calm down," "it will be okay," and "you are overreacting" do nothing but cause the anxiety to worsen because it confirms my worst fears. Even when I explain myself to others suffering with anxiety, I can tell I am still not always understood. I wish my brain reacted the way a brain should react, but even with the help of medication, yoga, meditation, and other things I have learned, this is something I still have to deal with, and I frequently feel less because of it.

These photos were taken hours apart. The first was on my way to dinner with my family,
the second was after a panic attack that left me curled up in the front seat crying
uncontrollably for no reason other than crippling anxiety that I could not control.
(Source: My Photo Collection)

March 4, 2020

What kind of childhood did your parents or grandparents have? How was it different and similar to your own?

I do not know much about my dads parents in general, let alone their childhoods. My maternal grandma lost her parents at a young age and ended up having to live with one of her many siblings and his family. She was left to take care of their children, and because of this, she never finished school. I know she resented this fact, but you never would have known it if you talked to her. But she always made it clear to us that we were not to take our education for granted. My maternal grandpa also had a large family, and spent his time working on the farm. Because of this, he also never completed school, and again, you never would have known. As for my parents, my dad moved quite a few times. He was born in California, then they moved to Minnesota for a little bit, and then finally to Wisconsin. He and his siblings were raise in the Catholic church and attended Catholic schools. I don't know why, but the way my dad has described his childhood, I always associate him with Smalls from The Sandlot. My mom was born in Minnesota, but they moved to Wisconsin not long after. She has an older brother and young sister, and a million cousins. What I know most about my moms time growing up was that a lot of time was spent with family in Minnesota or family friends in Michigan. Even all these years later, she has kept up with her cousins (thanks Facebook), and because of this, I have a good relationship with a lot of them as well. But my favorite stories are of her and my aunt cutting school and my grandma catching them.

My mom's school picture for the 1957-58 school year.
My dad with his sister, Kathy, in 1955.
(Source: Dad's Photo Collection)

March 5, 2020

List one struggle, one failure, and one success you've encountered in your life. What did you learn from each?

A Struggle: I have struggled with anxiety quite a bit in my life. It is hard for me to admit and to deal with, but it has made me a more acceptable person and I tend to try to put myself in others shoes.

A Failure: Cosmetology school. I don't care that people said I was talented. It was a mistake and an ultimate failure in my book. The lesson I learned is that sometimes you need to take a break and you shouldn't make such a huge life decision just because you feel like your back is up against the wall.

A Success: Not to be cocky, but my life as a whole. I am almost 29 and I am very happy with my life. I have had ups and downs and I am still here, and I am a lot stronger and smarter because of all of it.

March 6, 2020

Have you spent time in the military, or know someone who has? What does it mean to you to serve your country?
My Great Uncle Lorian who served in the US Army Air Corp during World War II. His plane was
lost over the Pacific. My Grandpa, Cliff, who also served in the US Army Air Corp during World War II.
My paternal Grandpa, John, who served in the Army during World War II. My dad who was a medic in the
Army Reserves in the 1970s.
(Source: My Dad's Photo Collection)
I have never served, but I am honored to have friends, family, and coworkers who have. My grandpa and his older brother both served in the Air Force during World War II, and his brother lost his life when his plane went missing in the Pacific. I have always cherished the people willing to lay their life on the line for our country. They give up their time, family, and lives so that we can live peaceful, quiet lives. They know that they are fighting for people who may not agree with them, who are downright against them, and they do it anyway. It takes an amazing, selfless person to do that, and I will always be grateful for anyone who has served our country.

March 7, 2020

How would you describe yourself to someone who does not know you?

Quiet until you know. I'm still quiet then, but it's a different type of quiet. Bibliophile. Animal lover, Seriously, give me all the puppy and kitten cuddles. I love to cook and bake, especially for groups of people. Family oriented. Always sleepy, but I'll stay up for things that matter. Type A. I can't stand the silence. Fears: clowns, birds, my parents dying before I am ready. Love having fresh flowers in the house. Frequently second guess myself. Quality over quantity. Love anything cheesy, saucy, or spicy, and not just food wise.

**If you want to have your own Becoming journey, you can purchase a copy of the journal at your local bookstore or at Amazon.**
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