Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered: The Definitive How-To Guide by Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark

I am not a person who listens to podcasts. It has never really been my thing. People always say "Oh, well try this one, this one will get you addicted." It is not a matter of being addicted to it, it is just that if I am listening to something, it is music or a book. I do not have time to add another thing to listen to. That being said, I have never listened to My Favorite Murder (I am sure this has been suggested for me by people though), but I did know the premise of the podcast, and I have been floundering for a book to read, so I figured why not.

(Source: Kelsey Darling)

Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark alternate parts in each chapter of Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered discussing struggles in their lives, mistakes and fears, and life events that have shaped them, and how their love of true crime not only brought them through all of this, but brought them together and led to them starting their podcast, My Favorite Murder.

I listened to the audio book and I always love when the author, or in this case authors, read the book, especially in non-fiction. This audio book was really good, but I do have one bone to pick. Some of the chapters were recorded from a live show and there is audience background noise. I know some people love that. People purposely buy live copies of concerts because it makes them feel like they are actually there. I don't like live concerts, and now I can say I don't like live book readings. This is just a personal preference, but I feel like even if I did like it, the fact that it was only a sprinkling of chapters makes it feel inconsistent. But books read by the author always have so much more emotion and passion behind the words and you can really get into what they are saying.

(Source: Giphy)

Maybe because I am a girl, but their stories were very easy to relate with. For me, it was the stories about eating disorders and dating all the wrong guys. But there are other stories I know others will relate with, like divorced parents or a parent with Alzheimer. A lot of the stories they share are still borderline taboo, despite how common they are, and the respect I have for them talking so openly about it, not just in the book, but on their podcast, is immense. The only way to break a taboo on these subjects is to bring it to light for all of the public to see, and someone has to make the path.

"About five years into my mom's diagnosis, a friend at a party asked me how I was doing. My standard reply was something like, 'I'm fine. It's harder on my dad and sister since they're home with her.' But as I went to say it, a truer though hit me. I told my friend this: "Having a parent with Alzheimer's is like living inside a horror movie that's playing out in real time. It's as horrifying and awful as it is tedious and mundane. It'd be like if you live in the movie Jaws. You're happily swimming in the ocean and then everyone starts scream, 'Shark!' You start to panic, but then someone else yells that the shark is twenty miles away, so you calm down a little. But then a third person gets on the bullhorn and says you're not allowed to get out of the water ever again. So you start panicking and flailing and fighting and yelling for help. You scream how unfair it is, you having to be out in the ocean with this killer shark alone when all those other people get to be on the beach. You scream until your voice hoarse. No one responds. You finally start to accept that it's your fate. But then you start thinking everything that touches you is the shark. You can't calm down because you can't stop reacting to things that aren't there. You grab wildly at anything that look like a weapon, but every time, it turns out to be seaweed. Boats go by filled with happy families enjoying the sun. You hate them all so much it makes you feel sick, Then you get really tired and you cry so hard you think your head will burst. And then finally, you gather all your strength and turn to look at the shark. Now it's 19.8 miles away. It's the slowest shark in history, but you know it's coming right for you. And after five years in the water, you start rooting for the fucking shark.'

When  my little speech was done, we stood in silence. My friend didn't know what to say. What I'd just come out with was heavy and sad, not something you could smile and walk away from. He looked horribly uncomfortable. I felt a wave of embarrassment. I'd overshared a very dark revelation at a low-key, summertime backyard party. But then, my friend Adam, whose father also had Alzheimer's, pushed past my silent friend and grabbed me by the shoulder. 'Oh my god, yes! That's EXACTLY what it's like!' We both started laughing and couldn't stop. It felt so good to pin it down and let it out." (pp. 50-51)

They tell their stories with a dark sense of humor that not enough people appreciate, but I definitely do. I feel that any of their "Murderino's" (avid follows of MFM) probably appreciate it because it is a humor that anyone weirdly obsessed with true crime. As someone who is weirdly obsessed with true crime, I can say that.

(Source: Giphy)

I do wish there has maybe been a little bit more of the "Don't Get Murdered" parts of the book and less of the "Stay Sexy" part. I mean, you get some. They talk about binge reading Stephen King and then moving on to the hard stuff (The Stranger Beside Me which just happened to be the book I had lined up next) and encounters they have had that were very close to being murdered (or assaulted) and how this love for the subject has brought them together, but I wanted more. I don't know in what form or how, but I wanted more.

After listening to the book, I wanted to listen to one of the podcasts before writing the review; you know, do my homework. I went all the way back to the beginning on Apple's Podcast app.Well, as far back as I could go. At that time, the earliest episode available was episode seven, which aired March 11, 2016, entitled Seven Murders in Heaven (I could not find a link to it online, but I did find a YouTube recording of it). They discussed their favorite unsolved murders, which were The Black Dahlia and Elisa Lam. Of course now for whatever reason, I can go all the way back to their first episode from January 13, 2016, but I'm sure I had clicked something wrong last time. But that's okay. It gave them a little time to find their flow. It was really interesting to listen to. I was familiar with both of the unsolved murders and the theories surrounding them, but it is always nice to hear someone else's take on something. I did notice that a lot of their current episodes are live shows and I was not sure if they would be more live readings of the book, or just live episodes, but I figured starting at the beginning is always the best. It was good, it was interesting. I wish I was more of a podcast person because I feel like I could listen to this. They have good voices that aren't irritating to listen to and they have a good flow with each other. Maybe one day I will become a podcast person, and if that is the case, I would probably gravitate back to this one. Until then, I will probably just read any other books they come out with.

(Source: Giphy)

Rating: 8/10
Authors: Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark
Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime, Memoir
Dates Read: June 13-14, 2019